I place a certain level of importance on these blog posts. Specifically, on sticking to my original promise of creating one per update until, at the very least, chapter seven’s close. Considering that won’t be until some time in 2017, it can sometimes feel like a lot of work. Especially recently, with my work load spreading me so thin. I try to stay ahead of schedule by writing 4-5 blog posts at a time, but carving that time out can be more exhausting than the work itself.
Without getting too detailed, at this point I’m holding down 6 other jobs in addition to Unlife. I have two freelance art and writing jobs, two part-time jobs in an office environment to earn those dolla dolla bills, y’all, a ghostwriting gig, and a weekend volunteer gig working with people with disabilities. Not to mention, I’m still the one responsible for most of the cooking and cleaning occurring in my home. And I’m not complaining. Honestly, this is the ideal scenario for a freelance artist/writer, with hopefully more work coming at the conclusion of what exists now. Still, the unclaimed hours I give up to sit down and write these paragraphs can feel more valuable than any paycheck.
For a long time, as long as I have been freelance, I have been prodded about my ability to balance this with a full time job. I mean, if I love writing so much, wouldn’t I make the time? But at the end of each full day of either working with children or maintaining a newsletter, I find myself passing out naked on my couch, wishing it was bedtime already. I’ve never had the stamina to survive a work day with enough energy for extra-curriculars at night. When I worked full-time, my creativity and energy were too zapped at the end of the day to do more than pick up my Playstation controller. Even going out on dates could feel more like a chore than a fun break; I was often too tired to be able to relax and not take out the frustrations of the day on the person across the table. I hate to imply that I only have so much time for what I love, but there are only so many hours in the day, and my attention and energy can remain optimal for only so many of them.
These blogs are important to me. And taking the time to write them feverishly right now (I have been writing them non-stop the last few hours, going on 7+ pages right now) is not just important; it’s necessary. I wish it was as simple as working eight hours and then refocusing my energy in the off hours to pursue Unlife and other projects. But in truth, that energy is already gone by then. I want to continue, but in a way, it’s not up to me. It’s the difference between what I want to do and what I can do.
I hope that doesn’t cut me off from other projects. I go into whatever I do with full passion. Still, there’s always that calling. That calling back here. To do this. I have always found more personal fulfillment here. On this white page, branded with black letters, creating words, creating sentences, creating emotions. And as long as I have that time and energy, bring on the rest, I say. I can take it.
… After a nap.